Life After Divorce
I don’t believe any woman ever goes into marriage thinking one day she will get a divorce, but this thing happens and has done from the beginning of the ages. They form part of the fabric of our societies and the Bible stories we grew up with and the Biblical commands which surround the very sacred nature of marriage as God intended and the rules and guidelines surrounding marriage and divorce.
There are of cause Christian who firmly believe that one should never divorce regardless of the situation, but the reality is that it is a growing area of need in our society which we need to confront and give due attention to, in order to restore healthy marriages. While I grew up with parents, who had a very wholesome marriage and therefore caused me to assume that it represented all marriages. My example of marriage was so much different to what I'd thought was the norm because of my parent's marriage. I’d witness a single story and wrongly assumed it represented everyone’s viewpoint of marriage: I couldn’t have been more disappointed.
As I was walking through the process of divorce a couple of years ago, many in their love and care would share experiences of the struggle and challenges that numerous divorce women have to deal with, like the struggle with money and loneliness as well as the painful process of tearing apart connections both physically, emotional and financial, the impact on the children and extended family etc.
These are real challenge and many of which I’ve had to confront and deal with as well as continue to deal with, but I noticed at the time that none share anything positive that could result from this, not even the truth that you come out a stronger, wiser person with the ability to eventually discover yourself and been able to stand on your own feet. The only positive many people drilled into me were the fact that I’m still young and beautiful and therefore I’ve got potentials to marry again: I could potentially bag a Boaz!
Following my divorce two years ago, the advice to get myself together and live again got stronger and stronger! At first, I ponder the meaning of the advice, as a single mum, I work full time, in my spare time write books, which I pray will bless many, sharing my life experience and wisdom through blogs to help others in their journey whilst trying to set up a church to minister to many more…. So life is kind of busy: What more could I possibly fit into my already busy life? But soon I realised it meant a single thing: Get a man Jumoke! While I’m a firm believer in marriage and grew up within a beautiful and long marriage, and strongly desire the same. Marriage is currently not a daily prayer for me, now before your judge me……that can obviously change tomorrow!!! Instead, I’ve found strength in places I would never have discovered, I’ve discovered the ability to sing publicly and write, which turmoil never allowed me to see previously and even better, I learnt that my writing as endowed me with an even bigger voice I never knew existed whilst praying that those books will blessed many even after I’ve gone; the freedom to spend my spare time as I wish! The confidence and courage that I would never have discovered as my personal preference would have been to hide under the covering that marriage often allows as most married women know so well.
Therefore, I believe as the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 that “ There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven” and therefore it is important to allow the Lord to use the season you are in for his purpose and glory. While all the challenges following divorce have been real and exaggerated because of our unique situation, to ignore the blessings that I've discovered in this season is to deny God grace and mercy through it all. While I’m not an advocate for divorce for all struggling marriages, as every case is different, I encourage you to look again at the blessings that God have allowed in your life following the divorce and not allow your focus to remain on the challenges alone!
So in this new season, the one big thing I’ve learnt is that society doesn't feel a woman is complete on her own and that somehow if she re-marry the picture will be complete to all. At fifty I revel in the compliments that I look years younger than my age but what follows often hit me like a ton of brick and leaves me thinking that as much as society as advance; single women (matured or not) are still somehow looked upon as incomplete despite the fact that most of them are serving their communities and families wholeheartedly and contributing to society: Could it be that society has a part to play in helping those in that season of their life, to embrace and enjoy that area of their life in that season, whether is a short or long season, instead of seeing it as a plague that needs to be fixed! It is challenging, and I know so many mean well……. When they purposely put couples in one's path and try to draw one's attention to these things; instead of helping those in that season to enjoy it! There is so much that others can do for those in that season, you can invite them into your fold, make them feel comfortable in their singleness, as they serve others in their own unique way: It’s about loving people where they’re at, understanding that not every single person is unhappy with their singleness!